Why Yoga changed my life 

Mental illness …
A condition that is sometimes subtle, showing its face when we feel abondened as our loved ones suddenly slip away and go MIA status . We see it in the invisible, yet clear cry for love and help from those people we sometimes see on the streets asking for some change. Other times it’s loud and clear … screaming and sometimes even stomping  its presence as we watch the news and hear the stories of how lives were taken by a veteran with PTSD.

Social media plays such a strong role in defining for many what is right , wrong , weird and, or normal. It’s been a while that I’ve been contemplating this .. an idea that birthed as I settled into my yoga practice. Thru it, I have slowly began to quiet my mind and accept myself , all of me, with all my flaws and all my strengths. This is my way of contributing … sharing MY story and how yoga and meditation has changed my life.  May it bring comfort to those who need it, remind others they are not alone. And may it instill curiousity and openness to the practice of yoga .. namaste 💜


I was around the age of 1o when suicidal ideation became the norm. I remember I’d daydream wondering if anyone would miss me at all. 6th Grade was brutal. I’d ride the bus to school , to end up in the nurses office , throwing up what my sweet mother had forced me to have for breakfast. I remember the 100000 times mom would have to drive me back home after my legs , or arms, would go numb and I LEGIT could not move them.  Had I, or my mother,  known the signs of anxiety and panic attacks , maybe things would’ve been a bit different . But, what if, in some strange way , what I going through was a gift … 

I started Yoga in graduate school, first hating the slow pace and finding myself restless during ALL poses. EVEN savasana!! COrpse Pose ?! REally? Fast forward 4 years later , diving into my Yoga Teacher training because it’s transformed my life. The anxiety still kicks in, let’s be real, I don’t work in “calmest” setting (hospital) BUT through Sadhana, I am more aware of my breath, and once you are able recognize where the breath is at, there is a change in the mental , emotional , and physiological .. for the better . This is where transformation takes place. 

#ESwritings #yoga #Mediation #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #inspiration #love 

KALALAU TRAIL

kalalau

Nepali Coast – feeling undefeated and accomplished

Hidden in the forest

Deep within the valleys

Lies this special gem called Kalalau

A path to self discovery

Step by step

Droplet by droplet

A representation of so much

To one traveler it’s nothing but the sole heat on his skin, half way in 5.5 miles to go…

To one traveler it defines determination, courage, a reflection of her inner strength, interwoven with her sense of self worth

But to her . . .

To her it means much more

It was a suggestion,

That led to curiosity

Which led to action

Turning into commitment

Which quickly switched to doubt

Doubt, created by immense fear

Droplet by drop,

Cliff by fucking cliff,

A roller coaster of emotions

High to deep lows

Her first time ever wondering will she actually make it out?

Can she pull this off?

Could she have made the mistake of selfishly following her heart to only leave her loved ones behind

Back and forth, from strength to weakness

Feelings of victory to defeat

And just like that

Droplet by droplet

She made it out

To this special and hidden gem known as Kalalau

A beach that cannot ever be described

A place where natures presence is too strong for words, it can only be experienced

Droplet by droplet, by those who courageously choose to hike The Kalalau

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wouldn’t have made it without you sister

Forever grateful for the lessons learned on this trail.

 

586 , bed 1

Off to work,

It’s Time to be productive

Multitask as I build rapport and write my notes…

How could you truly bond with a person when “efficiency” in the mantra playing in the mind..

But I sat for a minute and asked you simple questions,

98 years of wisdom sitting in front of me,

winkles that communicated a story of your past

a beautiful young spirit,

a fighter,

a NINETY EIGHT YEAR OLD woman determined to get stronger

A gentle smile

Pure love , commitment and wisdom sitting before me …

“I was having a bad day, but you made me feel a lot better today”

words that hit the heart,

A reminder .. this is why I do what I do

She grounded me with her presence

A reminder to be Present,

There is a gift in human connection,

It’s a matter of deciding to open your eyes and heart to it, but it is always there.

586-1 I will always be grateful for those moments shared in that gym

Sending you love & light wherever you are.

Be the change you want to see ..

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I’m on mission.. To utilize #socialmedia for the good. Too often do we find ourselves listening , reading, or witnessing news that’s debilitating to watch. It’s too much and I, personally, am Over it. Yes it is good to be aware of what is going on in the 🌍 but we should spend our time and #energy on good things and if you’re having trouble seeing any good right now then simply #BETHATCHANGE. Be that #catalyst to spread love and light and remind others that #goodhearts #loyalty and #love continues to exist, despite all the madness and chaos. We are all here together , sharing the same planet , so why not make it a #peaceful and #exhilirating adventure while we breeze through this 👆🏽life. My intention is to convey love in #randomactsofkindess and inspire others to do the same by sharing your story and tagging others to do the same. Together , let’s create a #rippleeffect to #impact others and remind one another that there is such a thing a #genuinehearts #humility and #kindness ..so here’s the first story to start up this Insta @Stand_4_peace #Stand_4_peace
I grew up in the #dominicanrepublic, a gem of an island with a culture of its own. From its delicious food, warm people, and vibrations music 🎼 & pristine beaches ..but with all this , #poverty is not absent. instead it speaks loud and clear. Visible in all corners. I grew up with a surfer dad who’d take us to #patobeach every weekend. To find ourselves being chased by little kids willing to carry our stuff to the beach for any monetary compensation, no matter how big or small. Here I was 7 years old , going to the beach for fun, while kids my age were struggling to feed themselves or help out at home? Barefoot 👣 and #hungry. An image that I carry with me forever. Flash forward to 2013, when I was set on my own #mission to bring clothing and diapers, to the same community that we drove past when I was a kid. I announced my mission everywhere , #church #yogastudio @bluesolyoga , and random people.. And soon enough i had #bagsfordays. I flew #home With My 1👙and as many bags allowed, but a #heart full of joy. I never imagined my community, including strangers would respond the way they did. Never did I EVER imagine , driving to the homes of strangers who had heard about my #mission and wanted to contribute in any way possible. 👆🏽 girl with #one Idea , inspired out of #love , that was put into action ➡️ and ended up in one hell of a result. It was that simple. I learned a HUGE #lesson , don’t underestimate the power of a dream, or the #heart of your neighbor.
Please help me in spreading awareness of #love and #kindness… Because it continues to exist !! Tag your friends and share your stories , anything from a #payitforward , to spending time with family, friends , including 🐶🐱🐹🐰🐽 !!! Ready, GO! Don’t forget to tag @Stand_4_peace #Stand_4_peace so I can repost your message !!! #inspire #heart #love #bethechange #poverty #dominicanrepublic #inspiration #actsofkindness #randomactsofkindness #payitforward #eswritings

 

I remember ..

 

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Small, powerless, voiceless, terrified, useless, incompetent, invisible. Words that depicted my life, my feelings, my flight of emotions and whirlwind that led me down, down a dark path. A lonely place, where smiles faded and tears were the norm. Five years of my life, disintegrated the moment I said enough and we finally broke up, one last time. I cried. I felt like I was suffocating, I couldn’t breathe. A piece of me had died. Clueless of who I was , what I wanted in life. Dreams, desires? I had none, it all faded, vanished , as if my identity was taken from me the moment we broke up. As if he owned it and I was left with nothing but the awful feeling of being on my own. Single. A word that would make me cringe and stir up fear by the thought of being alone. How could it be that I couldn’t stand my own presence . How much could I hate myself , or was it the fear of looking inside and finding nothing. Nothing to hold on to. Nothing of value. Scared of not appreciating what I’d find.
I sat, I slept, I cried, I knew I had made the right decision of letting go, but why did I have to feel so miserable? But life moved on , days passed by and little by little I picked myself up. Finding comfort in the smile of my family, friends, the wind through my hair and the sun on my skin as I ran. I found peace in the slow, smooth movements through yoga and vision of my breath as i meditated. Soon I found joy as I painted, laughs as I danced, and connection as I cooked. I tried it all, I did it all… All to bring myself up and learn to love myself.
Now I’m caught up in a drift, feeling. Lonely, sad and drained ..and then, I remember .. I’ve been here before .. No longer is this a new path, a different journey or unknown grounds…I’ve been here once before and as low as I felt, I picked myself up and raised myself high… I guess it’s not until we truly pick up on our lessons that we are able to move on to the next chapter, a higher level, a better place.. But not until we choose to learn from our past… And so I remembered … I’ve been here once before. #iwritesometimes #eswritings #bali #kutabeach #sunsets

Broken

The kisses,
His gentle touch,
Goodnight cuddles
Morning teas
Back rubs
I love yous
The laughter, the giggles,
The late night talks
The “tuck me ins”
The promises … The promises… The promises…

The promises that were broken
Those promises that I held on to so dearly
Wanting them to be my future
Praying, that they’d be my future
Holding onto nothing but words,
Broken words, broken promises.

So beautiful on the outside
A smile to melt any heart
Words .. His words …
That will make anyone fall in love with him…

And slowly, insidiously, it creeps up…
There to break those promises,
Destroy anything he touches
Kill anything he loves

A vicious addiction
My simple mistake
To give my heart one more time
To someone who had once lost my faith

He carried my heart
My dreams and desires
Which soon enough crumbled
To his vicious desires

I should’ve read between the lines
I should’ve listened to my heart
To know one day it would come back
To rip away my heart

I promise I’ve learned my lesson
To listen to my heart
For the next time I hear addict
I know it’s time to part.

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#ESwritings #broken

A dose of venom ..

Induced pain..

As we ever so slowly inject venom into our veins making conscious decisions to keep “enduring”.

Pain,
That we choose to inflict upon ourselves to then cry and ask “why me”, “why now”, “why him” why this ..why that… As if we weren’t conscious enough , smart enough or could it be BOLD enough to take accountability and full responsibility of the pain…pain that we “endure”

Induced,
a mild dose of venom of which insidiously penetrates our lives
Transforming into an addiction of self inflicted pain.

Masochist?
Hypocrites?
To engage in self loving activities to then abruptly stab ourselves with our own knives ?

Why do we do this to ourselves
We can be our biggest cheerleader, strongest lover and worst enemy,

Induced pain .. Unconscious actions..
A restless addiction
A dose of venom
Transforming into an habit of self inflicted pain.

#womenspoetry #ESwriting #consciousliving